1. |
Venus in Leo
02:49
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Venus in Leo
Shouldn’t be this good
As you’ve been
Show it to me slowly
For me
I’m scared
But I see
I could work on
Just being grateful
Not looking for
All that is bad
I can’t help it
I’ve developed this strong shell
That I’ll try to melt
It’s now holding me back
Cause I really want to
Let you in
Don’t need it
Don’t want it
Addicted
To it
But I don’t love it more than you
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2. |
Duddleydooright
02:41
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Duddleydooright
If I was mature, I’d write letters to all my friends
Yours would be longest, I’d pay extra for the postage
The good that I see, I want you to believe me
A shroud of regret that keeps you from yourself in your eyes
I’ll carry myself through all of the pain and doubt
Woe to my last self who’d never be asking
For accommodation, for clarification
I’m carrying weight that I’m not supposed to feel
Barriers unbroken, a car without wheels
A small winter’s sacrifice, life can be cruel
Ignoring the niceties, I see you for you
Let’s see those bright eyes again
Look in the mirror and smile at your friend
Life should taste as good as whipped cream
A day in the sun with you is my wet dream
I pinch myself daily to know it is real
You showed me how healthy love is supposed to feel
Carry myself through all of the pain and doubt
Woe to my last self who’d never be feeling
Such warm acceptance
With your coalescence
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3. |
"You Un-Zipped Me!"
04:05
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“You Un-Zipped Me!”
I can’t feel my hands
Eyes droop down like quicksand
Don’t know how far it goes
The heat howls like a ghost
My knees knock together on your front porch
Suspended forever, I need it more
Knocking about, I’m knocking about
Crying out loud, I’m crying out loud
I can’t help it that my eyes well up
I’ve told you before, I’m a fruity fella
Pushing and pulling and clawing inside
Who knows?
I don’t like to remember when it feels like I’m being haunted and I just want to move on
It sure blows
When you get your hopes up and then get shot down
How can you trust again?
Can you even trust your friends?
I cover up pretty well
You wouldn’t know that in my head it is hell
I wanna reach out, I wanna connect
I want something positive on which to recollect
My body holds
The hurt from ages past
That chronicle
Has a way of making itself last
Take me into a warm, soft place
If I start crying, I’ll hide my face
Take down my guard, it can’t take me much farther
Born with
A bug in my ear and a lack of fear but
Here we are now with caution
Kept still by our beating hearts
I’m tired
Breaking this cycle takes it out of me but
Staying right here might kill me and now I wanna live
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4. |
Goodbye for Now
05:10
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Goodbye For Now
You told me that you want to know me for a long time
We held each other like lovers do before we said goodbye
I opened up my heart to you, fearless like a child
The first time that I touched you, I felt like I could cry
For the first time, my heart didn’t race
You felt like home, like my final resting place
When you were at your best, I felt like it could last
But then I felt you slip, you still have so much of life to live
I’m so glad I told you everything I wanted to
I don’t know how I’ll survive when I can no longer look you in the eyes
Oohhhhhh
But one day we’ll be great friends, I try to picture what life will be like then
But I’ll mourn the hugging and kissing from back then
The feeling of your breathing in my bed
Stroking your hair while you lay your head
Smiling in the dark and quiet
You told me that I blessed your life, you kissed me on my eyes
We held each other tight and we trembled as we cried
We laughed and joked like it was our first date
You saw me pure and true
I told you that I would wait
And that I’ll always love you
You told me that you want to know me for a long time
We held each other like lovers do before we said goodbye
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5. |
Mutual Subjectivity
05:12
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Mutual Subjectivity
I miss you, do you miss me?
Used tissues are all I see
For the future
Your life is quiet now that I’m not here
I can’t deny it, I know that’s what you want my dear
Life in shadow
Cause you would rather waste your life doubting in a mirror
Channels of expression closed ‘cause you refuse to see your
Reflection
It hurt me to believe in you when you put yourself down
It hurt me to not hear from you when you would shut down
To solitude
I saw you embrace your inner child, I saw you turn away from me when I smiled
Insecurity took shape as resistance, yet you pulled me in close for kisses
You loved me, maybe that scared you most of all
You knew I could give you all you needed yet you shrunk at the task of meeting mine
You made me feel so special, if only you weren’t so far behind
Restricted
Sometimes I want you to hold me again
The way you still turn me on is such a sin
I’ve memorized every curve, the soft warmth of your skin
I’d give you what you deserve
If you could admit you deserve anything
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6. |
Flesh Memory
04:22
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Flesh Memory
I keep finding myself where I first started
Heart made of glass like the dearly departed
How do I stop seeing you through myself?
I see you as my person, I see you as a stranger
I believe in love that lasts forever
You’ve clung to it emptily, you don’t see it the same as me
You kept me alive with the light in your eyes
You have a wistful innocence, you never tell lies
You never give judgement, you just wait and see
You were put to the test when you got wrapped up with me
I forgot what it’s like to listen to you speak
A voice so soft, I watch your lips curves and peaks
I wish I could hear you better
We communicate like foreigners
I can still feel you reach for me at night
Like you tried to reach me as one in love’s light
The story of life’s heartbreak is written in your touch
I’d gaze at your face in sleeping serenity
Kissing your back, your shoulders
You are the warmest person I know
Our laughs are different now, I’m learning to help you by not being around
You’re in control of your life for the first time
I want to be able to love you without being in love in with you
I know you’ve never been in love before
You feel so familiar even though you’re a blur
You’ve mastered invisibility
You were so good at keeping me out but making me feel like I was in
You tried to give me what I wanted, Why’d you do it?
Here’s to a fresh start since you’ve kept yourself a stranger
You’ve kept yourself out of danger
Having to let you go is the hardest thing I’ve ever done
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7. |
The Friendly Ghost
04:26
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The Friendly Ghost
I saw your car parked on the sidestreet and I knew that you were home
I joked around with your roommates while you slept upstairs alone
Oh, how the roles change
Oh, how the roles change
After all the times we went up there to be alone, us two
It’s weird to be here and not be able to do that with you
Oh, how we’ve changed
Oh, how the roles change
I’ve got a crush on you
And I’ll let it stew in the
Back of my mind
Like it was the first time again
I measure out my life and all it’s ever been is time
I’m afraid of what might happen if I look you in the eyes
The things I’ve learned from you
I still burn for you
I still burn for you, will this feeling ever go away?
I lie awake
I think about you every day
Oh, how the roles change
A prepubescent growing pain
It’s all a part of history
The way that you’d make love to me
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8. |
Just Add Water
04:46
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Just Add Water
Last night you told me you loved me after I said I love you
I’d said it so many times before you could say you love me too
If you’d said it before, you wouldn’t mean it
But now we understand
It was nothing like the way I dreamed it
But it was better than I could have planned
When we split, I wasn’t ready
My wounded heart tore from inside
I tried so soon to be friendly
But kind words from you made me cry
I used to put you on a pedestal
But now we see eye to eye
I dreaded the ending
But new beginnings teach us to fly
Hey, hey, my best friend
I can’t wait ’til I’m ready to see you again
Hey, hey, my best friend
It hurt to be your lover, but I’m glad we made amends
Hey, hey, my best friend
You let me understand you, we outgrew playing pretend
Hey, hey, my best friend
We’ll rise up from the ashes, we’ll be better than we were back then.
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9. |
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Alma Engebretson Minneapolis, Minnesota
They/them
Minneapolis based songwriter, guitarist, singer, cellist, bassist.
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